So, in 3 days it will be a month since I talked to you and in 4 it will be a month since you passed on...  I miss you everyday, every time something happens that we would laugh about later, every time i do something stupid, your in my head...  We used to think about this and talk about what we would do when this occured, we thought it would be funny.  Well its not very funny, and I kinda dont care what we said we were going to do, b/c now it's just me.  I'm trying to think we lost you but you also lost all of us...  You passing was the best thing that could have happened to you I think, and that makes it harder to get over it.  New years eve is right around the corner, I wish christmas was still 3 or 4 months away b/c then I'd have more time to cope before our one night a year comes back...  I loved you alot, you were my sister remember?  I was hoping I would get closer with everyone else but I'm not sure that's gonna happen.  I wish it would though.  I know the 4 people who were here for me when you passed away and they mean the world to me...  I haven't ran in to any of 'our' friends yet and i'm okay with that.  I'm not ready to see them yet and be the bearer of bad news.

I love you and miss you very much, and heres to all the little shaninigans that your gonna have to watch from up there.

So 2010 was 2 and a half years ago, which means i've been out for 2 and a half years, april 28 2010 to be exact....  2 years at the bar in august, and so much has changed.  Yes i'm only 23 but I still have been through more than my share but i wouldn't have it any other way so here we go:

I broke up with my girlfriend, amber, on sept 18, my gma's birthday.  We had been talking for 6 mos and been together for one.  It wasn't working for me, feels like we got divorced and she got my kid, because a very good friend of mine, an ex, still seesamber all the time and barely sees me.  I got all girly and everything to turn amber on and went to see her and all she could say was that i didn't have to do that. The other day she thought she would hold a fist at me, that didn't last very long, but it's what i needed to let her go.  Which brings me to my next update

Taylor Made is becoming a bigger part of me.  I've only performed twice this year but taylor is around everyday.  I have a feeling sooner or later i'm gonna transition.  I'm still the little brother, but things are getting harder...  My drag family is awesome, and a friend tells me i have it easy people have already accepted me for being a boi.  The sad part is I haven't.  And hopefully soon i will.

I'm trying to live the healthies life possible...  Meaning no abusive situations, and no abusive or addictive things.  In the process my brothers have me confused...  Schwans man says everything is black and white, and while life is easier that way there's shades of gray in everything.  I'm not sure what to do...

I went to pride in chicago in june, it was a blast.  I'm trying to get situated to move up there, we will see how it goes.  I like to think about coming back to visit and seeing everyone.  that's my update for now, my life has started so heres to it rolling on!!

start of 2012

Hard to believe I've had this blog for 2 years on april 28th.  I quit my job, they started doing things all wrong, I had to go.  Things have happened this year that probably shouldn't have.  But I've learned who my true friends are and aren't.  It's march and i've had a full year already.  My birthday was a little bit of a blast.  For those who ever read this if you have read about shwan's man, he's not shwans man any more and he's still one of my best friends i've ever had.  I still talk to him everyday, and he tells me as it is.  It takes me a long time to trust someone but he has it fully.  If only other people could be as blunt as we are, there wouldn't be as many spectacles as there are.  My brothers are there for me and I'm finding out who my true brothers are.  I will forever be known as the little brother, and I like that.  For now, Here's to living life to the fullest!!!