SRY

So sorry i haven't written lately.  Just been figuring things out and keeping time to myself i guess you could say.  which is really weird b/c I'm usually out doing things.  But for me multi-tasking is a good way to get stuff done so I give me time to myself while i'm with friends???   I am coming to accept the fact that I am not bi but gay.  It seems like everyone accepts being bi first then accepts being gay so i am doing that.  Actually i think i knew this all along but denial is a very big problem with accepting who you are.

To help me discover if I am gay or bi a friend asked me "who do i see myself marrying?"  And my answer:

I want someone who can do simple things.  Like if i wake up late they could have done some things around the house.  Or sometimes breakfast in bed.  And all the little things that you don't get when you live alone with your dog.  When i picture these things I picture a woman doing them for me.  And I will do little things for her.

Talking about being gay is going to get old, if it hasn't already.  But me talking about it so much helps me get comfortable with the fact that that is what i am...  Now it's very hard b/c my best friend, is very immature and doesn't like to talk about anything having to do with sex or anything else.  Yeah she listens to my adventures but she doesn't ask questions or joke around or give advice.  So talking to her about being gay is very hard.  She is going to have to mature alot b4 she gets a boyfriend.  YES she is straight and like i told her when i first came out to her, we get along very well but you are to dependent and immature for me even if you were gay.   I want someone who takes care of me when i'm sick.  Whose going to chase me if i run away.

kind of a messy post but this is where i am at right now...


Here's to the rest of my life!!!

hi

still not much up here...  I've been taking some time to myself i guess you could say...  Need to figure some things out or more like accept some things.  B didn't come, and G was supposed to get home today but i haven't talked to him since the last post...  School starts on the 7th so hopefully i will b ready to go back to being a responsible adult and not just do whatever i want.  I'd tell you what i'm accepting but i don't really feel like talking about just yet.  read previous' posts and u might b able to figure it out....

Heres to my life!!

hello whoever is out there in cyber world

haven't been up to too much lately...  Trying to find a job for the summer.  G is in DW this week, he comes home on sunday and he's bringing me present :)...  I told him what i wanted though so we will see how good he does.  J is just a friend now...  i guess you could say.  B is coming to stay with me for a few weeks so that should b fun.  I'm wondering about a job as a boarder.  you know where people pay you to rent a room in ur house for a week.

Well like i said not much drama here lately... or i think there is but i'm avoiding that subject right now...

Here's to my life

hello

sorry haven't been on for awhile..  Really I haven't had much to say.  I'm trying to keep my mind busy.

One thing did come up last night though talking to a friend.  I have been told not to try and change religous' peoples mind but i have to ask.  How do you get people to understand that people are born gay just like people are born straight.

Down

I'm tired of doing life alone...  When will it be my turn to have some help???  I'm not sure what i want or what i want to do or anything.  I really wish i could figure this all out, but idk what i want at all.

hi

I am so tired...  it's not funny at all.  well, the summer is going alright.  haven't found a job yet, but i did celebrate the beginning of summer drinking and talked to J all night long.  Last night we were talking again and started talking about him fucking me.  well,  IDK how i feel about him doing that.  I do trust him so there's a strong point.  But the problem came when we started talking about how big/small his dick is.  I was a little giggly before he started talking about his size but when he did that i got turned off rather quickly, and again my fear of being a lez came up.  So I'll just wait till he gets here and fuck him and c what happens.

Here's to the rest of my life!!!

summer

Well, it is officially my summer break.  Hopefully i can find a job soon so i can make some extra cash.  Anyway,  I think it's over with G. And B got a boyfriend, E went away, and C idk what's up with her.  So hopefully i can find a job to give me something to do.  it's was and emotional semester and i'm glad for a break.  I got probably a month b4 a friend gets home then it will b party time.  Found out that my dad is not as good as i dreamed he was :(  I didn't get to do anything for mothers day because my mom didn't have time.  She says we are not doing anything now since it is past mothers day, so oh well.  The start of my senior year is in the back of my mind but unless i really think about it it's not really important.  I'm sure once fall starts I will be an emotional wreck about where i will b an a year.  But i really don't have time to think about that right now.  THeres to much other stuff on my plate.

So here's to the rest of my life!!

well...

I don't have much to say right now.  I'm actually pretty content, but that won't last for long i'm sure.  It's the last day of school before my senior year of college.  I'm not willing to think about it that much though or else i will break down and cry my eyes out.  Apperantly i misjudge things b/c G thought we were just friends all along.  So he asked if we could still date so i said sure but just so you know i need to b with women right now.  So we will see what happens.  I spent about an hour and a half in a empty classroom today.  I was working on my final project surrounded by the animals at school.  my life has gotten so much more complicated than when i started here, it's ridiculous.  So i might write later but for now it's

Here's to the rest of my life!!

break-up??

To start off with here's a question:
If your dating someone and they text you aren't you suppose to respond?

Well, apparently not.  it started yesterday.  I was texting G and he never responded until last night.  and as i said b4 the way he asked me out tonight pissed me off.  so today i was texting him this morning and just seeing where he wanted to go tonight.  I texted him about 1:00 or so this afternoon and he never texted me back.  so eventually i'm like fuck it.  i texted him that i don't think i could come tonight.  So if someone cared they would've called back and made sure i was okay right?  Well evidently he didn't care b/c i haven't heard from him since 1:00. so fuck him.  Tomorrow i'm telling him its not working and lets just be friends.

here's to the rest of my life

hey

Now G asked to me to go on another date with him tonight.  there are a few things wrong though.

1)  there is nothing between us
2)  the way he went about asking was wrong.

the story for #2 is as follows:
I tried calling and texting him all day yesterday and he never responded.  Then last night I was on FB talking to a new girl C.  He all of a sudden decides to call me and I was like ok.  So when i answered the phone i asked him why he hadn't responded all day.  he tells me that he was grading papers and relaxing.  He still should have texted me back.  anyway about how he asked for a date tonight.

He said we should go to dinner tonight but i will be paying since he bought dinner last time.  Now excuse me but that is not a good way to ask for a date.  He should have said something when we met up and said something like since i picked and paid last time it's your turn. or something like that.  He just pisses me off all the time.

The last dinner we went to I ended up texting b thru ought it.  So I don't know what to do.

So here's to the rest of my life!!

Dating Game

Well, turns out this game is really fun.  It's more fun with girls than guys though.  at least, for me it is.  If only money was no object and i had a car i could meet some of these people.

the date on 5/8/10

hello,
Well the date last night went well except for the fact there is still no connection.  Feels like we are just friends nothing else is there.  I was texting b the whole time. lol

A thing on my mind today is catching up with old friends and telling them about my progress.  They don't seem as happy for all my progress as i am.

Here's to the rest of my life!!

2 posts in one day

sorry for the 2 posts on the same day but I just had to talk to my family this morning.

Since tomorrow is mother's day i thought i was going to see my mother sometime this weekend.  But evidently I am not high on my mother's priority list.  I am not getting to see my mom this mothers day, which is not because i don't want to.  This makes me a little upset because she only lives an hour away and she is in my town everyday during the week.  She has no clue about what i have been up to, nor do i want her to know.  but it would be nice to see her since i cut my hair and dyed it.  Before all the hair grows back and the dye goes away.  I was planning on showing her my tattoo, not telling her what it means, but at least showing her it.  I was looking forward to a day with my family or at least my mom.  A day to leave the phone in the purse and a day to deal with family rather than my love life.  None of these things are happening this weekend, which kind of is depressing.  So back to the love life.

5/5/10

I'm so tired this morning.  I figured some things out yesterday.  For one, I don't think me and the guy are going to work.  We have a friend connection but i don't see nothing more there.  I need to stick with my heart and date women right now.  He doesn't know this yet but he will soon.  Hopefully that relationship can stay friends.  Second thing, I met another girl on myspace yesterday and heard somethings that I never event thought of.  She ended up getting me thinking to hard so well see what happens there.  Her name is E.  Then I am still talking to B.S.  from myspace and she is pretty cool.  we have never met in person but we text like everyday.  So I think it's safe to say I am officially in the dating game. Here's food for thought:

HOW DO YOU MAKE YOU MIND STOP THINKING AND JUST DO THINGS?

Here's to the start of the rest of my life!!

Religion

hello all (if there is anyone),
Today I found out what religion says about same sex relationships.  The people i talked to said that a relationships or probably more like marriage is supposed to give something to the world.  I asked what they meant and they proceeded to say that the only intention of marriage is to procreate.  Then they proceeded to hypothezise that if everyone was in same sex relationships then there would be no more human species.

Well my response is this:
How hard is it to go fuck someone on the street and have a kid? not very hard.  or there are sperm banks but those cost money.  If your gay and you want a kid then go fuck someone on the street and get prego.  or if your a guy and your gay then get some best friends who are girls and fuck them and get some kind of agreement going.  Just because we are gay does not mean we do not procreate.  This is a shallow and stupid response to why god is against gays.

God made everyone and if your gay he made you that way is my opinion.  So why would god make you gay if he's against it?  SO ANY RESPONSES OUT THERE IN CYBER WORLD?

date

so right now I should be working on this movie that is due next week but....

I've been talking to this guy who's 23 and tonight we are going to a movie.  YAY for me.  But i uncovered a new problem last night.  I don't think a dick is going to fit in me at all...  I like guys but from what i found out they are not gonna get any.

Today

Today was a very good day.  I think I am in the final acceptance stages of being bisexual.  Actually, I could be totally lez but I don't know that for sure so I am saying bi right now.  I am back to my old self again which i am very happy about.  The old me is I used to not give a shit what the world thought of me but when it came to being gay I all of a sudden started caring.  But i discovered the reason for that, and the reason is as follows:

When I am me you either like me for me or u hate me for me.  When people know you are gay or bi, most people already have an opinion about you then and you can't change it.

So I have finally gotten over that fact and say hell with it.  Alot of people don't know and it's not that obvious unless you know what to look for, And in that case you probably don't have a problem with it.
It's easier to tell people know that i have the tattoo.  Before when i told people, which was mostly girls, they looked at me strangely and i always got the feeling that they thought i was telling them because i like them. Now my tattoo opens up that door and there is no problem.

Thanks for listening,

Heres to the rest of my life

Feeling down

I thought I was on the right track until today.  The girl I've been talking to said I was acting like a little kid today.  A guy from H.S. wants to start a relationship soon.  And I wished all this would happen. but then I discovered what a vibrator can do for you and finally got back into the habit of saying hell with what people think.  So after getting back to my motto I got to the point where I am looking forward to dating girls right now.  And having some fun....  But the guy was my best friend in H.S. And we never acted on it then, so i feel bad if i pass it up again.

Backstory

My mom pays for my house yet she doens't live here.  She really has never cared what i have done but i always try and cover my but with her.  I was supposed to graduate this semester and move and when i moved i was going to make all these changes and start talking to girls.  Then a teacher at school fucked me over and is making me stay an extra year.  so I'm trying to do my plan of starting my life and shit but all of a sudden my mom is caring what i am doing.  She says that I am not being responsible.  

I have been responsible for myself the last 5 or so years.  I've been focused on school and not much else.  Reading and animals were what i loved.  Now i still love those but times change and i'm trying to have fun and start my life now with the cards i have.  I may make stupid decisions but i can't think about school now i have to think about MY LIFE AND WHAT I WANT FOR ME.  Not what other people want.  

I live with no regrets and if i didn't get on this path i am on now i would have looked back and said i lived a pretty boring college experience.  I would've wished i did the things that i am doing.  I am quite happy on the path i am on so y does my mom have to fucking all of a sudden have an opinion on what i want to do with my life?  The couple of days to change and then she fuckin wants to care what i'm doing.   

Here is tho the rest of my life!!