update!!

So here's an update:

1)  Coming out week at UIS was a blast.  Monday, I realized your never really done coming out.  Wed, we watched Transamerica and I realized how bad i hurt ami.  Friday, was a dragshow, and realized that those are quite fun.  Decievia man Is quite attractive.

2)  I think I'm attracted to MTF's actually.  I haven't realized if this is good or bad yet, but the trans thing is very interesting.

3)  Dating is actually turning out to be interesting.  It's not alot of work especially since I'm usually busy doing other things now.

4)  I started up my GSA at school.  I'm president and we passed out beads on the 20th for the suicide awareness.  Our first big event is this friday and we are watching rent.

5)  I met my first lez couple yesterday.  And I just wish I could hangout with them for a week and see how they go about life...

6)  I found out some guys think when you get drunk your lesbian side goes away.

That's all that's affected me for now...  Till next time
LIVE YOUR LIFE

hi

I've been holding on to this for a few days now.  This is the first time my mom's fam acknowledged I was gay.  

we were on the topic of marriage and that i was next on the list out of my moms' friends kids to get married

and my aunt said you have to have a boy to do that

and i said i can get married in iowa

and then they said

it's not acknowledged here and we aren't acknowledging it either

my aunt said all the above

but my mom didn't say anything

A much needed update

I don't know if anyone reads this b/c i haven't gotten anyone asking where I've been.  But I'm going to tell you what i've been up to anyway.  Lets see:

I switched classes.  Switched from a photography class to a math class.

Trying to balance a social life with my school life is turning out to be quite difficult.

I guess the true reason I haven't written is b/c This blog was for my coming out story.  And I have came out and am okay with it now.  I no longer think 'I wonder how many other gay people are here'.  Now it's more of 'I wonder who else didn't do their homework'.  When I first started coming out people told other people by just mentioning certain things. I didn't know how i was ever going to do that.  Now I do, if something comes up and reminds me of ami, or if i get a text from people who I am talking to while I'm around someone who doesn't know, I'll mention it.  Everyone I've told actually is okay with it.

So leaving things on a good note, I think this is a good-bye for now.  I'll try and check in once a month or so.  But I may start a new blog and next month I'll link it.

Thanks for listening and when I tell my coming story I'll link people to this blog.

hi

So my senior year started today.  I told everyone about ami and what happened.  I'm in search of a long-term gf. Someone nice, considerate, open-minded, and lots of other things.  I think i'm over Ami, it's fun to annoy her and her gf though.

This is it for now, I'll try and write at the end of the week

broke-up, cheating, and LDR

So, I was dating Ami for about 2 weeks.  We broke up on Wednesday Aug. 10.  I was looking on the dating site we met on last night, and it said she had a fiance, so I called her and we talked.  I found out she basically cheated on me the whole time.  Cheating encompasses many things so I'll tell you what she did.  While she was dating me her heart was with some one else.  Now to me that's emotionally cheating because your not fully in the relationship, and you want a relationship with someone else.

I'm very hurt, mad, pissed, sad.  The fair started last night and as always I'm going with my fam today to the fair all day.  And i'm going to forget about her, at least for the day.  I love the fair, She's not going to ruin my first day of my favorite time of year in this town.  I am hopefully moving to st. louis next year so this is quite possibly the last fair i will attend while living here. :(  

Therefore, I'm not going to let her ruin it.  My fam will b here in half an hour or less and when they get here I will forget all about Ami at least for today

hi

Hello world I haven't been on for a while so i thought i'd give u an update.  Right now i'm really tired so this probably won't win an a an a english class.  My senior year starts in 2 weeks.  And I'm not sure if i'm ready for it or not.  There's so much that comes into play next summer that i don't even want to start to manage my life.  anyway, I'm still with Ami but i'm not sure for how much longer.  I talked to her tonight and she really didn't seem to happy to talk to me, so.  We will see what happens.  The fair start this thursday (a week from today).  and then the day after that ends school starts.  this is what ive been up to talk to you soon.

Ami

Well, my whole summer is complete now.  I've got everything done with 3 weeks to spare  :).  The girl in my last post is name is ami and she is my gf as of yesterday.  We planning on me moving in with her when i graduate next year.  She lives about 8 hrs away though.  I said i wanted to move so i guess it's then or never right??  anyway..  We are moving out of TN when she finishes school, and that will b in like 6 yrs or so.  Now let me tell you that's a long time and i've never thought that far into the future...  Hopefully we will b married by then and have some kids.   Funny thing, I never seen me as the marrying type but my life's changing so i better catch up.  But she's awesome and I love her to pieces even though we have never met and only been talking since thursday...

So...

Idk what to say,  I wish there was a way to just lay all ur cards on the table and b like can u deal with this and be happy.   I was happy but i guess i still am i am just wearing off the high of a gf.  We are still talking and hopefully going to be in a relationship soon, but i think i can deal now.  The high of talking to her all the time is wearing off, and if i don't talk to her all the time maybe she'll have stuff to say to.

May i mention we just had our first disagreement i guess you can call it.  I'll get over it and hopefully we will talk tonight.  Sunday will b the day to c if this is going to work b/c all of her company will b gone then

hi

I think i'm falling love...  But i'm going about it totally the wrong way.  All I want to do is talk to her constantly, I'm worried i'm smothering her.  She said she likes the attention but idk.  She lives 8hrs away and the worst thing is we just met today.  I never have felt this way b4, I usually like to annoy people but i'm trying so hard not to b annoying i don't think i know how not to be annoying.  If falling for someone includes the following:

Can't stop thinking about them
Don't really care what you talk about
Get worried that you did something wrong when u don't talk to them for a few hours

Then i'm falling and i'm falling fast.  She's really cute, we like the same things, and she actually seems like she cares about me...

I think her caring about me is where she gets me.  As we all know i've been abused and you know how nice it is to finally talk to someone who cares about you and might b falling for you too??  It feels really good.  But i'm scared i'm going to scare her away and loose her.

hi

so..  My house got broken into again.  Half the people distracted me in the front yard while the others broke the back door.  But they heard me yelling to get out and they left.  There's so much to say but i don't really know where to start.  That was big it happened on monday night.  Just dealing with stuff like usual.  I keep climbing these mountains and enjoying the flat parts.  check out my youtube there is much more about me on there:  youtube.com/mssmiley89.

so...

IDK if i've posted this yet but here it goes...   Last weekend I lost my v-chip.  Well in the lesbian way i guess.  She went down on me and in my mind that is considered sex so... She wasn't very good though.  I didn't get off at all and it felt like she didn't know what she was doing at all.  oh yeah, she was trans.

Probably post more later but that's my news.

What's I want in a Girlfriend

Girlfriend

Someone who does the little things in life.  If I don't sleep good and there's way to much that needs to be done, I want someone who if they wake up and i'm asleep they can do some of the work just to make me happy.  Someone to go to sleep with and wake up to.  I can't wait to share the little things in life with someone.  I don't want to have to worry about annoying them, if something happens I want them to want me to call them.  Someone who I can send a text to saying I'm pissed, and they will call me right away, and won't hang up till I feel better or at least until I know what to do.  These are the things I would like my girl to do,  Oh yeah and if anyone I am dating finds this blog, I love to be called baby.  Especially your baby, this turns me on, also if you do this while you comfort me, I will get turned on in a minute.  

update

Sry haven't been on for awhile but I have been up to no good...   First, I've been partying with a bunch of 15 yr olds and they stole my shit.  Then they proceeded to break in yesterday and steal some more shit so, I'm done with them.  I think i'm getting depressed b/c of all this trouble i keep getting into...

HI

I'm so sick right now it's not even funny...  I've been doing to much lately and this is what happens when i get to stressed...  I talked to Jen's GF today, and i guess she is one of those protective girls or something like that.  She won't let Jen talk to me i don't think.  soo.....  


bye

okay

So me and Jen are just a little more than friends not really gf's.  But that may b exactly what i need right now so it all works.  I have been talking to a few people recently and they are all very nice.  i'm gaining experience thru Jen so hopefully in a month i will no longer be inexperienced.

so GF

I have a girlfriend...  Her name is Jen and she is 24...  She lives about an hour away but she's so cute...  She's everything i want.  She is cute, and wants to help me learn more about sex, and she comforts me....  BTW:  She turns me on when she comforts me...

I only wish that i wasn't so scared, or nervous.  I think to much in that is where problems lie.  She's trying to teach me some things but i ran and hid.  I feel so bad..  but at the same time i don't think i would have done it differently. She is willing to show me things i'm ready to do but I am scared....

She is a cutie...  She is coming here in august if not b4.  i can't wait to meet her in person...  hopefully it last.

Blue

sry

Sorry i haven't been on lately, I've been busy all week trying to get things done for pride.  But turns out the people i was supposed to go to pride with bailed out, so i can't go.  :(  I'm not very happy about it.  I had so much planned to get done that day.  To me, my first pride is going to be another step in coming out (maybe the last step)  so that's y i am so upset about it.  idk what to do...  I really wanted to go but i don't think that's going to happen... The worst thing is that i'm supposed to go back to school with pics and stories from pride.  Now that won't happen.  So for now,

The trains rolling but going over some bumps in the tracks

Dads fam

So, my dad and his family officially know that i'm gay...  They aren't happy but they just have to get used to it.  They say they still love me..  They thru some things at me like:

The bible says Adam and Eve for a reason

my answer:  There are better gay parents than some straight ones, also when i'm ready for a kid i'll go fuck a dude and get one.

they said that I'm confused since i've never technically been with a guy.  which I don't know how to respond.

My dad i think went and cried but that's to b expected in my opinion.  It was weird how the convo went b/c we went from talking about me being gay, to my mom abondoning me, to how i had to get used to the things they do.

So all in all i think it went pretty well...

The trains a rolling

stuff

I have a lot to say but I don't really know where to start.  My feelings are a jumbled mess and i'm trying to figure them out.  I have started a youtube channel that i update: www.youtube.com/mssmiley89  hopefully that will get you there.  I will try and write more later this week.  Pride is in 9 days.  I'll b back later this week.

The trains rolling now trying to figure out what track it's going to take...

Cop story

People in situation:

Amanda- girl I was talking to

Hilda- Lady Amanda babysits for and I go to school with

I was at Hildas house yesterday and Amanda came over.  We were sitting on the couch writing notes on a dry erase board.   Amanda writes that she wants a drink and I said for safety reasons you can come drink at my house but you have to stay the night.  Hilda eventually comes and sits across from me and stares at me.  I ask her what’s up and she’s like what r u guys writing about.  We eventually get to what we said and she calls Amanda’s mom and Amanda didn’t come here.

So today, Amanda was watching hilda’s kids so I called over there.  Called every now and then to talk to Amanda.  Then Hilda gets home and calls me.  It goes like this:

Her:  whats up

Me:  nm whats up with u??

Her:  nothing I want to know why u are flirting with a 17 yr old.  You want me to call the cops??

Then she hangs up.

10 min later I get a restricted call and it’s the cops.  And they pretty much tell me that I had been called in on sexual harassment. 

Looking back on yesterday:

I remember telling Amanda that I wanted to sit on her lap, and sleep on her shoulder.   But isn’t that just flirting???

A few days:

She said it was her friend who called the cops….

The sad thing is I still think she’s cute….

School:

So i dropped the summer class a few weeks ago.  It really wasn't worth the time or effort or money to take it.  It was on-line so i logged into it the first day and the work we were supposed to do was for no grade so i said fuck it.  Which was probably a good thing.  I don't really need school right now.  This is actually my first summer off since the summer b4 my senior year of h.s.  So i think i was due for a break anyway right?

Fall doesn't start till the end of august so yeah on that but i need a job which i haven't found yet.  Make some extra money, get some more tats, and new clothes and sort out my life and get some experience.  That sounds like a good summer to me.  This will b the last summer for me as a "kid"  meaning that next summer i will b out of school and looking for a career.  Actually i think about that and it doesn't sound that different from what i do now.

My career WAS school.  Next year i will just have to find a different career i guess.

The train's rolling lets see where it goes...

Dear Mom,

I wish i could tell u this or give u this so if somehow u have found this blog please leave me a comment telling me so:

I'm loosing my mind.  Everything I have done in the past week is wrong.  In ur opinion being gay is prob wrong to.  But because your not here I have to get attention somewhere else.  So my option that i chose is getting into trouble.  I wish i knew another way to get attention but i know no otherway.  And the trouble i've gained was fun but i wish i could get out of it.  But somehow i know i'm not going to stop getting in trouble until i get the attention i deserve.  People say you have abandoned me, usually i try to defend you to them but look at me now, mom.  You know nothing about my life, or who i like.  You don't know what i like to do for fun, or what problems i face.  Now, most people would love the life i got, but not me.  If it were to change right away, i'd b upset b/c you have taught me how to deal with this life.  I still crave some attention...

You don't even let me come to your house, or ask me why i want to come to your house.  If i don't talk to u one day u have my lil brother call me.  Maybe u should call me.  U don't need to wait for me to call you.  Better yet, maybe u should talk to me in person for one whole day.  I'd give a day with you for anything.  one whole day where it's just me and you and no one else to bother neither of us.

You have known nothing for a long time.  And hopefully that will change.  I thought getting along with your husband would change all of this but it didn't.  People say maybe he wasn't the problem maybe your the problem.  How i wish i could tell you about what amanda did.  or about what i did.  Or even ask your advice about amanda or about life.  But your not here.  You are an hour away with your own life probably not thinking of me.

There's so much you don't know that it's not funny.

Love, Danielle

cops

Here is a rule that I hope I never forget:

Never mess with minors if you are over 21.

B/c especially if their parents may not b okay with them being queer, then they will get involved, and nothing good can come out of the situation.  I hope i never break this rule again...  But somehow i know i will....

I wish I knew if she still liked me, and i wish i knew who called the cops...

If you are reading this please comment and tell me b/c i am not having no more interaction with you.  It is for my safety and saneness...  when you are 18 give me a shout...  till then hope you have a good life....

Let's get this party started!!!


OH yeah  pride is in 2 weeks...  anyone going to st. LOUIS???

night out

So I am supposed to be going out tonight...  This is going to be a very shallow post but here it goes:

This will be my first time going out as a lez and not having to pretend that i like guys.  Typing that i think is very little kidish but it's how i feel.  I don't know many gays so idk what i'm supposed to wear to the club.  So since i'm more butch personality anyway i'm just going in t-shirt and jeans.  so we will see what happens.

Dyed my hair again it's really red...  I like it and some say it looks good but my aunt comes by on the most awkward nights and she seen it and didn't like it.  I'm trying to get girls so they need to know that im gay right???  

Here's to my life rolling!!

hey

it's me.  Once again nothing really up here.  Trying to figure things out and have my last fun summer while i can.  The pride festival is at the end of this month I'm hoping to go.  IDK which one to go to though, St. Louis or Chicago???   Hopefully when school starts in August i will have a GF and be out to my family???  Summer class starts monday and i am going out to school to c people and have to go to orientation for class...  I have my own youtube channel now:  www.youtube.com/user/mssmiley89

Talk to you later!!!

My life has started so lets get the train rolling...

Saved Flamers

SRY

So sorry i haven't written lately.  Just been figuring things out and keeping time to myself i guess you could say.  which is really weird b/c I'm usually out doing things.  But for me multi-tasking is a good way to get stuff done so I give me time to myself while i'm with friends???   I am coming to accept the fact that I am not bi but gay.  It seems like everyone accepts being bi first then accepts being gay so i am doing that.  Actually i think i knew this all along but denial is a very big problem with accepting who you are.

To help me discover if I am gay or bi a friend asked me "who do i see myself marrying?"  And my answer:

I want someone who can do simple things.  Like if i wake up late they could have done some things around the house.  Or sometimes breakfast in bed.  And all the little things that you don't get when you live alone with your dog.  When i picture these things I picture a woman doing them for me.  And I will do little things for her.

Talking about being gay is going to get old, if it hasn't already.  But me talking about it so much helps me get comfortable with the fact that that is what i am...  Now it's very hard b/c my best friend, is very immature and doesn't like to talk about anything having to do with sex or anything else.  Yeah she listens to my adventures but she doesn't ask questions or joke around or give advice.  So talking to her about being gay is very hard.  She is going to have to mature alot b4 she gets a boyfriend.  YES she is straight and like i told her when i first came out to her, we get along very well but you are to dependent and immature for me even if you were gay.   I want someone who takes care of me when i'm sick.  Whose going to chase me if i run away.

kind of a messy post but this is where i am at right now...


Here's to the rest of my life!!!

hi

still not much up here...  I've been taking some time to myself i guess you could say...  Need to figure some things out or more like accept some things.  B didn't come, and G was supposed to get home today but i haven't talked to him since the last post...  School starts on the 7th so hopefully i will b ready to go back to being a responsible adult and not just do whatever i want.  I'd tell you what i'm accepting but i don't really feel like talking about just yet.  read previous' posts and u might b able to figure it out....

Heres to my life!!

hello whoever is out there in cyber world

haven't been up to too much lately...  Trying to find a job for the summer.  G is in DW this week, he comes home on sunday and he's bringing me present :)...  I told him what i wanted though so we will see how good he does.  J is just a friend now...  i guess you could say.  B is coming to stay with me for a few weeks so that should b fun.  I'm wondering about a job as a boarder.  you know where people pay you to rent a room in ur house for a week.

Well like i said not much drama here lately... or i think there is but i'm avoiding that subject right now...

Here's to my life

hello

sorry haven't been on for awhile..  Really I haven't had much to say.  I'm trying to keep my mind busy.

One thing did come up last night though talking to a friend.  I have been told not to try and change religous' peoples mind but i have to ask.  How do you get people to understand that people are born gay just like people are born straight.

Down

I'm tired of doing life alone...  When will it be my turn to have some help???  I'm not sure what i want or what i want to do or anything.  I really wish i could figure this all out, but idk what i want at all.

hi

I am so tired...  it's not funny at all.  well, the summer is going alright.  haven't found a job yet, but i did celebrate the beginning of summer drinking and talked to J all night long.  Last night we were talking again and started talking about him fucking me.  well,  IDK how i feel about him doing that.  I do trust him so there's a strong point.  But the problem came when we started talking about how big/small his dick is.  I was a little giggly before he started talking about his size but when he did that i got turned off rather quickly, and again my fear of being a lez came up.  So I'll just wait till he gets here and fuck him and c what happens.

Here's to the rest of my life!!!

summer

Well, it is officially my summer break.  Hopefully i can find a job soon so i can make some extra cash.  Anyway,  I think it's over with G. And B got a boyfriend, E went away, and C idk what's up with her.  So hopefully i can find a job to give me something to do.  it's was and emotional semester and i'm glad for a break.  I got probably a month b4 a friend gets home then it will b party time.  Found out that my dad is not as good as i dreamed he was :(  I didn't get to do anything for mothers day because my mom didn't have time.  She says we are not doing anything now since it is past mothers day, so oh well.  The start of my senior year is in the back of my mind but unless i really think about it it's not really important.  I'm sure once fall starts I will be an emotional wreck about where i will b an a year.  But i really don't have time to think about that right now.  THeres to much other stuff on my plate.

So here's to the rest of my life!!

well...

I don't have much to say right now.  I'm actually pretty content, but that won't last for long i'm sure.  It's the last day of school before my senior year of college.  I'm not willing to think about it that much though or else i will break down and cry my eyes out.  Apperantly i misjudge things b/c G thought we were just friends all along.  So he asked if we could still date so i said sure but just so you know i need to b with women right now.  So we will see what happens.  I spent about an hour and a half in a empty classroom today.  I was working on my final project surrounded by the animals at school.  my life has gotten so much more complicated than when i started here, it's ridiculous.  So i might write later but for now it's

Here's to the rest of my life!!

break-up??

To start off with here's a question:
If your dating someone and they text you aren't you suppose to respond?

Well, apparently not.  it started yesterday.  I was texting G and he never responded until last night.  and as i said b4 the way he asked me out tonight pissed me off.  so today i was texting him this morning and just seeing where he wanted to go tonight.  I texted him about 1:00 or so this afternoon and he never texted me back.  so eventually i'm like fuck it.  i texted him that i don't think i could come tonight.  So if someone cared they would've called back and made sure i was okay right?  Well evidently he didn't care b/c i haven't heard from him since 1:00. so fuck him.  Tomorrow i'm telling him its not working and lets just be friends.

here's to the rest of my life

hey

Now G asked to me to go on another date with him tonight.  there are a few things wrong though.

1)  there is nothing between us
2)  the way he went about asking was wrong.

the story for #2 is as follows:
I tried calling and texting him all day yesterday and he never responded.  Then last night I was on FB talking to a new girl C.  He all of a sudden decides to call me and I was like ok.  So when i answered the phone i asked him why he hadn't responded all day.  he tells me that he was grading papers and relaxing.  He still should have texted me back.  anyway about how he asked for a date tonight.

He said we should go to dinner tonight but i will be paying since he bought dinner last time.  Now excuse me but that is not a good way to ask for a date.  He should have said something when we met up and said something like since i picked and paid last time it's your turn. or something like that.  He just pisses me off all the time.

The last dinner we went to I ended up texting b thru ought it.  So I don't know what to do.

So here's to the rest of my life!!

Dating Game

Well, turns out this game is really fun.  It's more fun with girls than guys though.  at least, for me it is.  If only money was no object and i had a car i could meet some of these people.

the date on 5/8/10

hello,
Well the date last night went well except for the fact there is still no connection.  Feels like we are just friends nothing else is there.  I was texting b the whole time. lol

A thing on my mind today is catching up with old friends and telling them about my progress.  They don't seem as happy for all my progress as i am.

Here's to the rest of my life!!

2 posts in one day

sorry for the 2 posts on the same day but I just had to talk to my family this morning.

Since tomorrow is mother's day i thought i was going to see my mother sometime this weekend.  But evidently I am not high on my mother's priority list.  I am not getting to see my mom this mothers day, which is not because i don't want to.  This makes me a little upset because she only lives an hour away and she is in my town everyday during the week.  She has no clue about what i have been up to, nor do i want her to know.  but it would be nice to see her since i cut my hair and dyed it.  Before all the hair grows back and the dye goes away.  I was planning on showing her my tattoo, not telling her what it means, but at least showing her it.  I was looking forward to a day with my family or at least my mom.  A day to leave the phone in the purse and a day to deal with family rather than my love life.  None of these things are happening this weekend, which kind of is depressing.  So back to the love life.

5/5/10

I'm so tired this morning.  I figured some things out yesterday.  For one, I don't think me and the guy are going to work.  We have a friend connection but i don't see nothing more there.  I need to stick with my heart and date women right now.  He doesn't know this yet but he will soon.  Hopefully that relationship can stay friends.  Second thing, I met another girl on myspace yesterday and heard somethings that I never event thought of.  She ended up getting me thinking to hard so well see what happens there.  Her name is E.  Then I am still talking to B.S.  from myspace and she is pretty cool.  we have never met in person but we text like everyday.  So I think it's safe to say I am officially in the dating game. Here's food for thought:

HOW DO YOU MAKE YOU MIND STOP THINKING AND JUST DO THINGS?

Here's to the start of the rest of my life!!

Religion

hello all (if there is anyone),
Today I found out what religion says about same sex relationships.  The people i talked to said that a relationships or probably more like marriage is supposed to give something to the world.  I asked what they meant and they proceeded to say that the only intention of marriage is to procreate.  Then they proceeded to hypothezise that if everyone was in same sex relationships then there would be no more human species.

Well my response is this:
How hard is it to go fuck someone on the street and have a kid? not very hard.  or there are sperm banks but those cost money.  If your gay and you want a kid then go fuck someone on the street and get prego.  or if your a guy and your gay then get some best friends who are girls and fuck them and get some kind of agreement going.  Just because we are gay does not mean we do not procreate.  This is a shallow and stupid response to why god is against gays.

God made everyone and if your gay he made you that way is my opinion.  So why would god make you gay if he's against it?  SO ANY RESPONSES OUT THERE IN CYBER WORLD?

date

so right now I should be working on this movie that is due next week but....

I've been talking to this guy who's 23 and tonight we are going to a movie.  YAY for me.  But i uncovered a new problem last night.  I don't think a dick is going to fit in me at all...  I like guys but from what i found out they are not gonna get any.

Today

Today was a very good day.  I think I am in the final acceptance stages of being bisexual.  Actually, I could be totally lez but I don't know that for sure so I am saying bi right now.  I am back to my old self again which i am very happy about.  The old me is I used to not give a shit what the world thought of me but when it came to being gay I all of a sudden started caring.  But i discovered the reason for that, and the reason is as follows:

When I am me you either like me for me or u hate me for me.  When people know you are gay or bi, most people already have an opinion about you then and you can't change it.

So I have finally gotten over that fact and say hell with it.  Alot of people don't know and it's not that obvious unless you know what to look for, And in that case you probably don't have a problem with it.
It's easier to tell people know that i have the tattoo.  Before when i told people, which was mostly girls, they looked at me strangely and i always got the feeling that they thought i was telling them because i like them. Now my tattoo opens up that door and there is no problem.

Thanks for listening,

Heres to the rest of my life

Feeling down

I thought I was on the right track until today.  The girl I've been talking to said I was acting like a little kid today.  A guy from H.S. wants to start a relationship soon.  And I wished all this would happen. but then I discovered what a vibrator can do for you and finally got back into the habit of saying hell with what people think.  So after getting back to my motto I got to the point where I am looking forward to dating girls right now.  And having some fun....  But the guy was my best friend in H.S. And we never acted on it then, so i feel bad if i pass it up again.

Backstory

My mom pays for my house yet she doens't live here.  She really has never cared what i have done but i always try and cover my but with her.  I was supposed to graduate this semester and move and when i moved i was going to make all these changes and start talking to girls.  Then a teacher at school fucked me over and is making me stay an extra year.  so I'm trying to do my plan of starting my life and shit but all of a sudden my mom is caring what i am doing.  She says that I am not being responsible.  

I have been responsible for myself the last 5 or so years.  I've been focused on school and not much else.  Reading and animals were what i loved.  Now i still love those but times change and i'm trying to have fun and start my life now with the cards i have.  I may make stupid decisions but i can't think about school now i have to think about MY LIFE AND WHAT I WANT FOR ME.  Not what other people want.  

I live with no regrets and if i didn't get on this path i am on now i would have looked back and said i lived a pretty boring college experience.  I would've wished i did the things that i am doing.  I am quite happy on the path i am on so y does my mom have to fucking all of a sudden have an opinion on what i want to do with my life?  The couple of days to change and then she fuckin wants to care what i'm doing.   

Here is tho the rest of my life!!